Make Protecting Your Children A Resolution for 2013

This is a serious topic: Protecting Your Children. Yes, we've been lighthearted about making some 2013 resolutions that stick. Giving back, volunteering, and spending more time with your family have all been suggested as some resolutions that are worth keeping around and striving for during the year 2013. However, the topic of protecting your kids requires some serious consideration and attention.

At Family Builders, our mission involves being advocates for victims of child abuse and domestic violence while building strong families through parental and community education. It is time for you to make our mission, your mission and protect your family and children from the dangers of violence, abuse, and neglect. Protecting your children is one of the most important jobs that you have as a parent. For more information on our mission and values, as well as the ways that Family Builders can help you protect your children, visit our website at: www.familybuildersok.org

There are several key areas that one must consider when actively protecting your children. Here are a few that I am going to focus on: child, sexual abuse, internet safety, and bullying. Obviously, there are other areas in which life might be dangerous to your child and this is where common sense parenting comes in. It is always important to teach your kids "stranger-danger," never get in the car, talk to, go into the house of, or leave with someone your kids don't know, NO MATTER WHAT and NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY! Other safety discussions you might have with your kids can include looking both ways before they cross the street; wearing a helmet when playing some sports; never taking or eating food from a stranger; gun safety (a big topic of debate in our country right now); teaching your teenagers about riding safetly in a car with other teens; the dangers of drugs and alcohol, etc. As a parent, take the time to consider how you will relay these, and other important topics to your children, regarding their safety.

Another important area of consideration for keeping your kids safe is internet/cyber safety. Teenagers and young children alike now have almost constant access to the internet and the dangers that so often lurk with every click of the mouse. It is so important that you are monitoring the choices your teenagers make in internet searches and keeping a close eye on what information and internet access all of your children have when getting on the computer. Here is a great article to help you as a parent teach your kids and get them involved in, internet safety: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/18/fbi-keeping-kids-safe-online_n_1978611.html

Of course with recent events of bullying and school shootings, many parents are asking themselves, "How do I keep my kids safe at school?" Well the answer to that question is never an easy one. New gun laws and school board decisions will determine regulations that will be put into place to keep our children safe from guns in the future. You can always discuss with your kids the importance of gun safety and how you feel your children should respond if they are faced with the possibility of there being a gun in their school or classroom.

While the above topic can seem out of your control to some extent, one area of school safety that you can DEFINITELY help your children with, is bullying. Bullying is a huge problem in all schools these days and as a parent, you need to ensure that your child is not BEING a bully and help them with some tactics for avoiding being bullyed at school. Here are some websites that might help you with this task:
http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/school_stuff/bullies.html
http://www.stopbullying.gov/index.html
http://www.bced.gov.bc.ca/sco/resourcedocs/keeping_kids_safe/keeping_kids_safe.pdf

However, the major topic related to keeping your child safe that I would like to bring to your attention in today's blog is protecting your kids from sexual abuse and sexual predators. Child abuse must be stopped, but it is often hard to explain this topic to your children without scaring them. First, it is important to find out what your children already know about sexual abuse (for your tweens and teenagers) and how much they can't understand (for your younger children). Teaching your kids to respect theirs and others' bodies and re-enforcing appropriate touches and explaining inappropriate touches will be extremely important in helping your younger children to understand and be aware of sexual abuse and predators. Here is what you can do to protect yourself and your children:

Know What to Look for in Sexual Abuse

-Look for adults who are very helpful or alluring

-Look for adults who exhibit peer-like play with children – plays with children as a child would play

-Look for adults with no adult friends and would rather spend time with children

-Look for adults who play tickling games or roughhouse with children

-Look for adults who are immediately accepted into the family

-Look for adults who refuse to accept boundaries set by you or society

Watch Out for their Excuses

-They may attempt to paint circumstances as a misunderstanding:

“She was trying to put on her bathing suit and needed help.”

“He complained of being sore. I was just checking him to make sure he was ok.”

-They may try to use medical reasons as an excuse:

“He felt like he had a temperature. I was just checking him. I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

-They may try to defer blame:

“Her parents never did like me. They are just saying these horrible things about me to keep me away from their children.”

-They use personal hygiene as an excuse:

“I was giving him a bath. I wasn't doing anything wrong.”

-They may use sex education as an excuse:

“She was just curious and asked me some questions. I was explaining the birds and the bees.”

"He asked me a question and didn't understand what I said, so I was just showing him."

 Protect Your Children

-Talk to your kids

If you are uncomfortable, remember you aren’t talking about sex, you are talking about personal safety. Use other safety topics to lead into sex if you need to.

-Read to your kids

Sit down and read about safety or simply have a discussion if you don’t have a book on safety.

-Listen to your kids

Try not to dictate, preach, or demand when you speak to your kids. These are all negative ways to communicate with your children. Children need to able to tell you their feelings and thoughts.

-Teach your kids

Tell your children to trust their feelings and instincts and tell them it is ok to say no to adults and be rude to adults to protect themselves. Teach them about “good touch” and “bad touch.” Bad touch is where their bathing suit covers them.

-Watch your kids

Kids often forget about the dangers that surround them. Keep an eye on them at all times and know where and what they are doing. 

Oklahoma state law requires any citizen to report suspected or witnessed child abuse.  You may do so by calling local law enforcement or the Child Abuse Hotline  (1-800-522-3511).  For more information on keeping your kids safe, check out some of these websites:
http://www.kidpower.org/abuse-prevention/?gclid=CK7-iJD4jbUCFQhyQgod33wAJQ 
http://family.go.com/parenting/pkg-teen/article-783417-keep-your-child-safe-from-predators-t/ 
http://www.highlightsparents.com/everyday_dilemmas/how_can_i_keep_my_kids_safe_without_making_them_fearful 

Make it a priority this year to educate your children about the world's dangers and teach them how to keep themselves safe. Make keeping your kids safe the most important resolution of 2013. Enjoy your week and enjoy your kids!

Make Volunteering A New Year's Resolution

Well, since the great Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s weekend and holiday just passed, I thought it would be appropriate to begin today's blog with a few of the famous and ever-inspiring quotes from Dr. King: 

"...the time is always right to do the right thing." -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?” -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

As a man of service with a heart for people, Dr. Martin Luther King inspired the greater good of human nature to emerge. He was a man of faith, of persistence, and most of all perhaps, of servant-hood. Today, I would like each and every one of you to allow Dr. King to inspire you to do something for the greater good this week and this year. Volunteering, though a word that often makes people moan and groan, is so important to the development, establishment, and maintenance of a growing community.

Many of you may already volunteer your time, your skills, and your money to help others, but let me challenge you to make volunteering a regular part of your routine in 2013 - a resolution so to speak. Going hand-in-hand with our blog from last week regarding 'giving-back,' volunteering is a form of 'giving back' that always takes some of your time, and more often than not takes some of your talents. However, the joy you can gain from volunteering and the hope and love you can inspire in others, especially children, through your volunteer work, should be more than enough of a reward for you to continue in your efforts.

As we spoke of last week, volunteering can come in all sorts of forms, shapes, and time allotments. You can volunteer once a day, once a week, or once a month - all of these volunteer moments will be valued. Volunteering can occur at schools, parks, city halls, libraries, local non-profits, for special events, etc. Any time, any place - there is always a volunteer need.

At Family Builders, like so many other non-profits agencies in our area, we are always looking for volunteers to come in and share in the joy we have in educating families and protecting Oklahoma children. Our volunteer coordinator is always recruiting new help and wants you to be a part of our journey. For more information on volunteer opportunities at Family Builders, or to get in touch with our volunteer coordinator, visit: http://www.familybuildersok.org/get-involved.html

Thank you for all you do and all you are going to do for others this 2013! Below, I have provided you with various links to volunteer guides for the Oklahoma City metro area and beyond. Enjoy the rest of the week and....Happy Volunteering!

http://www.volunteerguide.org/
http://www.volunteermatch.org/search/orgs.jsp?r=msa&l=Wanette%2C+OK+74878%2C+USA
http://oklahomacity.craigslist.org/vol/
http://flyokc.com/Volunteering.aspx
http://www.rmhcokc.org/contact/volunteer

Make 'Giving Back' a New Year's Resolution

Well it's that time again....you've made it through Monday, it's half way to Wednesday, and the week has really only just begun. However, that's okay because a full work week gives you one more week to exercise your new found New Year's resolutions and make them a priority each and every day. Last week, we discussed making 'love' and putting your family first, a priority for the new year. If you forgot to make love a priority yesterday, never fear! You have an entire week still to accomplish that resolution.

Today, I would like to offer you a second resolution to add to your list of priorities in the year 2013. That resolution is simply: 'giving back.' Now, what do I mean by 'giving back'? Some of you may be concerned that I am asking for you to give financially and you may feel uncomfortable with that notion. You may feel as if you have little to give. However, while giving financially, whether it is to your church or an organization or non-profit with whom you identify with their goals and mission, there are many other ways to 'give back' to your community, your church, your neighborhood, and yes, even your family. Giving back is a multi-dimensional concept that allows you to utilize your gifts, your talents, and your time to help and respond to the needs of others.

An important life lesson to remember is, that no matter how tough your life may seem, or how awful the struggles are that you are going through, there is always someone out there who may be facing greater challenges than you are. Even if you think your struggles are similar to others, there is no greater way to take the focus of your own troubles, than by helping others. Therefore, pull yourself up and find a way to have joy in your surroundings and a way to help others in need.

So, first let's talk about financial 'giving back,' since that may seem like the most obvious and perhaps the most uncomfortable way to 'give back' for many. Often, giving back in a financial way can simply mean tithing at church, donating to a local organization or non-profit, buying lemonade or a consumable item from a stand or restaurant with an intended purpose, or helping a neighbor or friend who may be in financial trouble. These are all ways to give to others through financial means.

However, you can also 'give back' through your time. Time is a valuable entity, both to yourself and to others. Often, a giving of your time for another person can mean the world to them. 'Giving back' through time can be as simple as helping out a neighbor by mowing their lawn or shoveling snow from their sidewalk, volunteering at your child's school or another organization, helping out the elderly with their groceries, or even taking the time to read to your child each day. Time, while still a difficult commodity to give away, is often an easier item to volunteer than your money.

Now, let's talk about 'giving back' with your talents. Your talent can be anything you are good at. Perhaps reading to a class at a local school, knitting or sewing hats and gloves for soldiers, or baby blankets for the local YWCA shelter. Perhaps you are a fabulous cook, so you can make a meal for a local homeless family, or a member of your church who is ill or having a rough week. Maybe you are a real handy-man, so your talent is best utilized at a local business, non-profit, or shelter that is in need of repair and 'fix-it' type jobs. These are all talents, along with many more, that can help you to 'give back' in 2013. Often the giving of your time and your talent, go hand-in-hand, but doing something that you are good at and enjoy, can make it feel as if you are not giving of your time at all.

Lastly, let's discuss 'giving back' to your family. While it is extremely important to help others, give back to your community, support your church, and respond to needs outside the home, it is also utterly important that you are meeting needs within your own home, among your own family members, and 'giving back' to those you love. As a mom or a dad, this concept of 'giving back' to your family, may seem like an everyday task. This is true, but it is important to go the "extra mile," so to speak, for your children and/or significant other. Find extra things to do that spend time with your children, outside your normal routine. Take the trash out for your spouse if that is normally their job, clean up the kitchen before they get home from work, plan surprise outings and functions as a family. These are all ways that can make your family life stronger, allow for quality time to be spent with one another, and encourage a 'giving back' attitude among all family members.

'Giving back' is a concept that we all groan about. It means sacrificing something of ours for the good of others and this can be an inconvenient and sometimes scary thing to do. However, you may find that once you have accomplished an act of 'giving back' you will feel delighted. You will feel that you have added value to a person or a place, and that in turn will add value and joy to your own life. Make 'giving back' a resolution that sticks in 2013. Set an example for your kids by beginning your 'giving back' now and encourage them to join in.

Keep an eye on our Facebook and Twitter, @fambuildersok for some tips and opportunities on giving back this week! Enjoy the week and enjoy your kids!

Make New Year's Resolutions that Should Stick!

Happy Monday and Happy New Year! Many of you may have returned to work last week and some of you may be returning to work this week. Either way, here's to hoping that each and every one of you was able to spend quality and enjoyable time with your children, express love and caring in a new way, and find a way to celebrate the holidays with joy despite your current situation, struggles, and of course, blessings.

2013 is a brand new year, for everyone. As is so often popular, many of you may have set new goals, new resolutions for getting this new year kicked off in the right direction. Your resolution may involve losing weight, exercising more, getting outside more, achieving that illusive pay raise or promotion, or perhaps you'd like to make more of an effort to find free time for a new activity. As we all know, these resolutions are made with great intentions, but often fall to the wayside a few weeks into the year. Often time, energy, or expenses associated with this new goal get in the way and life quickly returns to its normal, 2012 pace.

This year however, this 2013, I would like to encourage each and every one of you to stick to a new resolution. However, I would like your resolution to be focused around strengthening your family, loving your children, and creating a family environment free of violence, abuse, and neglect. At Family Builders, we make this cause our mission, and with your help, we are hoping to continue to serve Oklahoma families and protect Oklahoma children in the year 2013.

We would like each one of you to focus on a goal that might help you to better love your spouse, better care for your children, and better express love and care for your family members. Make it your priority to find a BETTER way to do something, anything that might allow your family to flourish and grow in love. Here are some suggestions for resolutions:

-Make time to have one on one time with each of your children once a day
-Strive to ask more questions and inquiry into your children's lives
-Focus on encouraging words both for your children and your spouse
-Find an alternative disciplinary action, besides spankings, that might teach your child why their actions were wrong
-Strive to control your anger

These are just a few suggestions for 2013 resolutions that may be able to help you fulfill your family's goals and learn to love in new ways. Give your children a hug today and enjoy them the rest of the week! Happy 2013 and Happy New Year!