Well, the snow didn't hit the Metro area here in OKC as hard as they predicted, but I hope all of you who were snowed on yesterday and last night stayed safe and warm. If you are getting to enjoy a day away from work or school, spend it doing activities with your kids, instead of catching up on housework, shopping, or other tasks that can be put off. Time with your children is so important, so cherish the days when you get to spend extra time with them. Bundle up, go build a snowman or snow fort, or enjoy doing games, puzzles, and crafts inside in the warmth.
Today's blog topic focuses on raising up siblings who love each other and get along. Some of you moms and dads out there may only have one child, but many of you probably have more than one, which means you have the challenge of not just raising a child or two, but raising children who get along with one another and love each other like friends. This can be so difficult. Differences in ages, personalities, dislikes, interests, and many other variables can make it really difficult for siblings to care for one another and get along as playmates and friends. As the oldest of 5 children, this was particularly evident in my household. The clash of personalities and ages sometimes made agreeing or getting along an extremely difficult task.
However, as a parent it is your job to be a role model for your children. Your children will mimic your behavior with a spouse, mother/father, or partner. If you and the other adult in your household or involved in your life are not getting along, then you can expect that your children will not get along with one another either. If you show love and respect to the other adults in your life, your children will learn to copy that behavior in showing love and respect to their siblings and friends.
Here are some tips from http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/raising_happiness /post/siblings_how_to_help_them_be_friends_forever, from parents just like you:
1. Treat all your children fairly. This doesn't mean treating all your children, in every situation exactly the same; it means treating them in a manner that they see as being differentially fair. Show similar levels of praise, affection, and discipline - this will cause respect among siblings and steer clear of arguments involving who is "loved" or "liked" more by mom and dad. Spread your love around!
2. Emotion coaching is really important. Teach your kids how to identify, monitor, and evaluate their emotions and behaviors involving their siblings. In this way, kids are able to identify how their buttons are pushed by siblings, and keep their anger, annoyance, and negative attitude in check before they make a loud or angry outburst.
3. Give your kids positive play experiences. As a parent, provide opportunities for sibling interaction that encourage playing together or collaborating on a task. Provide time each day where your kids can play together in a comfortable or fun setting that will promote getting along and positive attitudes.
4. Think twice before intervening on a conflict. Unless there looks like there will be violence, blood, or a severe injury, try to let your kids work out their conflicts on their own. Coaching them through a conflict they appear unable to negotiate through is fine, but especially for teenagers, allowing them to work through their own problems will help them to better develop skills for problem-solving as an adult and allow them to grow closer through working towards a resolution.
Be sure to check out more of this Berkley study on raising up loving siblings. Another great resource for this topic is a 'Chicago Parent' blog. You can see their 8 ideas for siblings getting along here: http://www.chicagoparent.com/magazines/chicago-parent/february-2011/features/how-to-get-siblings-to-get-along
These 8 steps include:
1. Don't compare siblings to one another
2. Stay out of the way - let them work through their own problems as long as it does not involve violence
3. Attitude is everything - be positive
4. Provide activities and opportunities
5. Provide joint chores that encourage them to work together
6. Conversations - encourage siblings to talk with one another
7. Take vacations as a family - or small, local day trips
8. Remember that just because they are fighting as kids, does not mean this will carry over into adulthood - coach them now on how to get along, even if they won't stop fighting for the time-being - remember they ARE kids!
Hope this blog post has been inspiring and will help you to help your children get along with one another and love each other like best friends. Enjoy your week and enjoy your kids!
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